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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26004217">Fraying Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuubism/pseuds/cuubism'>cuubism</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, Episode: s02e10 By the Light of Dawn, Love Confessions, M/M, references to trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:00:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26004217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuubism/pseuds/cuubism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Later, Jace will blame what he said on the near-death experience. Surely, one can’t be responsible for things admitted—well, screamed, really—while under the effects of extreme blood loss and vampire venom. Surely.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>126</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fraying Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/duskbutterfly/gifts">Intangibel (duskbutterfly)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>prompt by @intangibel on tumblr:</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>I feel like 23 (“Just tell why you did it!” “Because I’m in love with you, okay!”) is such a Jimon kind of argument, especially because of Simon nearly draining Jace dry in that scene with Valentine. Jace is the kind of person who’d rather die for you than admit his feelings directly. 😂 I wish I could throw out canon and reframe that scene into the start of jimon rather than the start of Climon. Thoughts?</p>
</blockquote>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>Later, Jace will blame what he said on the near-death experience. Surely, one can’t be responsible for things admitted—well, <em>screamed, </em>really—while under the effects of extreme blood loss and vampire venom. Surely.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>For now, he’s storming through the Institute corridors, blade clasped in one still-pale hand, and he’s just killed dozens and dozens of Downworlders, and he’s probably just killed Magnus, and he doesn’t, apparently, have demon blood, and he’s <em>going </em>to kill Valentine.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Jace! Jace, wait!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A hand grabs a hold of his sleeve, and he whirls around, blade coming up instinctively to level at the person’s throat.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Seeing that it’s Simon doesn’t really make him inclined to lower the blade.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I don’t have <em>time </em>for you, Mundane.” He really shouldn’t call him that anymore, not when he has the evidence of how very much Simon <em>isn’t </em>a mundane carved into his wrist.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I— I just—”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jace yanks his blade away and turns to go.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Simon’s hand latches onto his arm. His grip is iron. Vamp strength.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What do you <em>want?</em>”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I just wanted to ask…” Simon’s voice is hesitant, but something about his gaze is firm. Mind made up. “If you’re okay. Are you okay?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>How could I possibly be okay? </em>Jace wants to retort. <em>How could I possibly be okay, when every good thing I try to do backfires?</em> <em>When the world is destroying itself because of me?</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It doesn’t matter,” he says, because <em>I’m fine </em>is a bit too transparent of a lie even for him. He knows how wrecked he looks. “I have a job to do.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>This time when he turns to leave, Simon lets him go, but calls after him, “You said that—you would’ve let me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jace stops, gritting his teeth. “What?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“When I was, um. Drinking. I said that I almost killed you, and you said, ‘I would’ve let you.’”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Damn him, he did say that. He curses the venom for loosening his tongue. “What’s your point?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Did you mean it?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jace spins around. “Did I mean it when I said your venom made me so woozy I probably would have just laid over and let you kill me? Sure, Simon, I meant it. That’s kind of how that <em>works.</em>”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>This time Simon doesn’t let Jace’s deflections dissuade him. “That’s not what I’m asking.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you asking if I have a death wish?” Jace laughs. “We’re <em>way </em>past that point.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, I—” Simon bites at his lower lip, making his fangs poke out. “There was a moment, I could tell, when you <em>decided </em>not to fight back. Before the venom took over. You <em>decided.</em>”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You could tell that, huh?” Jace mocks.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Simon takes a step forward, and Jace takes a corresponding step back.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I just want to know why,” Simon says.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Obviously, I didn’t want to blow our cover,” Jace says, taking another step back. Simon being this close makes him nervous.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, Jace, I want to know why you decided to <em>die</em>. For—for me? For me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You really think you know everything, huh?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Just <em>tell </em>me,” Simon insists, and oh God, he’s figured something out, Jace can see it in his expression, and Jace really needs to get the fuck out of here—</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Just tell me why you did it!” Simon yells, and Jace can’t fucking take this anymore.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It bursts out of him: “Because I’m in love with you, okay!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Simon’s eyes widen in shock, and he’s breathing hard even though he doesn’t need to breathe, and Jace is breathing hard too, and oh, they’re—they’re really close together.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jace feels frayed to the bone, emotionally wrung out like he can’t ever remember being, and he absolutely cannot handle being in love with Simon right now. He absolutely cannot handle having <em>told </em>Simon that he’s in love with him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>So before Simon can say anything in response, he turns and walks away, not quite at a run, but almost.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Later, he’ll find one million reasons why he didn’t mean it.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://cuubism.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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